5 Ways to Improve MLB All Star Monday Night

Alas, another MLB All Star Game is upon us. And, while I know the actual game has seen ratings drop, and numerous ploys to get more viewers, after all, "This time it counts." However, this article is about what to do with the night before the All Star Game.

Last night, I was unavailable to watch the beginning of the Home Run Derby so I DVR'd it. Easily the greatest decision of my sports watching life. The Home Run Derby just drags and drags, and watching All Stars hit 5 home runs in ten outs makes me long for Chris "Birdman" Andersen in the Slam Dunk Contest. I gave the Home Run Derby an extra hour on my DVR and still almost missed the finish. Ridiculous. However, I was able to fast forward through the dumb interviews, awful performances and Chris Berman saying "Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, gone," and, most importantly, Bryce Harper. This lead me to believe that the Home Run Derby needs to be shortened immensely. With that, ESPN still needs to have their 3 hours in primetime. So, I give you five ways to improve the Monday night.

1. Old School Home Run Derby

Back in the day, the Home Run Derby television show would take place during the off-season. Two All Stars would meet up at an empty ballpark with some cameras and an announcer and would have nine innings to see who could hit the most home runs. Alternating three outs gave the players breaks and allowed them to be interviewed in the middle of the competition. It was done in half an hour and was wonderful. This needs to come back for Monday night. Have the leading HR hitter in each league go against each other in this format and there you have it. The culminating event of the new All Star Monday Night.

Watch Mickey Mantle go up against Harmon Killebrew:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hC9ku86y42o


2. Infielder Range Challenge
With the Home Run Derby only lasting a half an hour or so, we're going to need some other events. One of the greatest things in baseball is seeing a 3B or SS ranging for a ball and throwing out a player at first. This one is simple give each player 10 balls off a machine that makes them range to their left and right from a specific spot on the diamond, give them 4.2 seconds or so to get the ball to the 1B mitt and see who gets the most. ESPN would be able to use their technology to see how far they ranged and how fast and far they threw the ball. It would be a series of web gems and people would be interested for sure.

It would be nothing but these Manny Machado style plays:

3. Outfielder Home Run Catch
I will admit the name needs some work, but an event where outfielders got to pull back home run balls from over the wall would draw some viewership. Again, simple, machine is set up to send a ball arching toward the top of the wall (may take some setup, but could be done), and players get 10 balls to try and pull back in. They would start from a designated spot and the most balls pulled back in wins. Again something that would not take much front-loading and would be a ratings success.

Insert your favorite robbed home run here:


4. Full out video game style target practice.
This would be the most fun and could get as crazy as the fans demand. Just like in some video games set up targets, both moving and stationary that would give a batter a certain amount of points depending on difficultly. Again, there is no limit to what could be done here. Targets could be linked to dunk tanks with opposing managers or players in them. There could be a target that is linked to a give away for all the fans. Hell, it could be sponsored by Target!! It would be wonderful. Don't believe me? See the video below from last years' minor league all star home run contest that was a huge success.

For the record, I forgot how nuts this thing is. I love it even more now a year removed:

5. Ban Bryce and Bryan Harper for life.
Look at these jokers. Their parents should be embarrassed.

There you have it. It may not be perfect, but it's a good start. Someone get Bud on the line and let him know about this.

What has become of the Slam Dunk Contest?

Yes, it's true, I'm back. What, you may ask, has brought me out of my 3 year retirement from the blog game? The awfulness that is the NBA Sprite Slam Dunk Contest. I feel like Sprite is just in the name forever now. Even if there were a new sponsor it would be the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest, for example.

Where to start? How about the lineup? Do you realize that at one point Michael Jordan beat Dominique Wilkins in the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest? Yes, Hall of Fame players used to participate in this!!! And, even better all the way through Vince Carter there were no props!! No cars, no capes, no small children or aging veterans wheeled out to be dunked over.

Enjoy this:

This year we were graced with James White, Gerald Green, Terrence Ross, Jeremy Evans, Eric Bledsoe, and Kenneth Faried. All of these players, save Faried, I had to look up their name and how to spell for this article. Forgive me if I don't clear out a wing in Springfield for those six. I don't blame today's stars for not participating in the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest. After all, there is no incentive for them to participate and all the reasons in the world not to. If LeBron James loses to these jokers he never hears the end of it and if he wins, well he should have. You can't incentivize the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest enough to get the stars out. They have cars and money. Other than a free kick to the groin of David Stern, there is nothing these players want.

Problem Numero Dos: The judging

I have no problem with having former members of the hosting team as judges. In fact, the more Dikembe Mutumbo the better. He should be full time judge. But at least make it seem like they are interested in what just happened. Make them look official. Don't give them the same number posters that you give the fans!! Also, it's okay to not give 10's. These dunks aren't your wife, you don't have to tell them they are a ten all the time. And finally, please stop rigging the contest. When one contestant is allowed to wheel out a car and the others have to take lobs from a player on the team, it gets a little obvious.

Side note: if Dikembe Mutumbo is all time judge he should also be allowed to attempt to block the dunks, because I cannot get enough of this commercial:

The last thing that needs to get better is the announcing. Poor Kevin Harlan was working hard tonight trying to balance Kenny Smith, Charles Barkely, Shaq, Rick Fox, and Nick Cannon. Harlan may want to use tonight's tape to secure him a job as long as he wants one. Just a barrage of terrible one-liners, swears, and laughing at their own jokes. I would rather watch Carlos Mencia have a yo momma competition with Skip Bayless than listen to these jokers crack wise about one another's jive threads. People still talk like that, right? Anyway, someone tell TNT that less is more. Kevin Harlan and one of the following: Shaq, Charles, Kenny, Conan O'Brien, Juwanna Mann, the kid from Like Mike, or Eddie Franklin. Speaking of Eddie Franklin, I love Rick Fox when he's pretending to be a basketball player in a movie, but that is it! Stop trying to let him do things!!

This Eddie trailer would also suffice as a replacement for the huge announcing booth. Enjoy the 90's-ness of this folks.

So, I know this one wasn't as ranty as my earlier material, but lay off it has been a couple of years!! I get rantier. However, in closing, I'd like to offer up a list of things I'd rather watch over the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest:

• NBA stars playing a video game, preferably one that this sports related, but not basketball. I'm thinking FIFA or NASCAR
• The contestants playing H.O.R.S.E. or S.P.R.I.T.E. or K.O.T.E.X.
• A slam dunk contest, but only of the players' illegitimate children on a Little Tikes hoop
• Space Jam
• YouTube videos of kids dunking on their Nerf hoop hanging on their door

Feel free to borrow any of those NBA/TNT

Also, I couldn't remember my sign off and I had to go look it up.

Tell yo friends about me!!