What has become of the Slam Dunk Contest?

Yes, it's true, I'm back. What, you may ask, has brought me out of my 3 year retirement from the blog game? The awfulness that is the NBA Sprite Slam Dunk Contest. I feel like Sprite is just in the name forever now. Even if there were a new sponsor it would be the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest, for example.

Where to start? How about the lineup? Do you realize that at one point Michael Jordan beat Dominique Wilkins in the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest? Yes, Hall of Fame players used to participate in this!!! And, even better all the way through Vince Carter there were no props!! No cars, no capes, no small children or aging veterans wheeled out to be dunked over.

Enjoy this:

This year we were graced with James White, Gerald Green, Terrence Ross, Jeremy Evans, Eric Bledsoe, and Kenneth Faried. All of these players, save Faried, I had to look up their name and how to spell for this article. Forgive me if I don't clear out a wing in Springfield for those six. I don't blame today's stars for not participating in the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest. After all, there is no incentive for them to participate and all the reasons in the world not to. If LeBron James loses to these jokers he never hears the end of it and if he wins, well he should have. You can't incentivize the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest enough to get the stars out. They have cars and money. Other than a free kick to the groin of David Stern, there is nothing these players want.

Problem Numero Dos: The judging

I have no problem with having former members of the hosting team as judges. In fact, the more Dikembe Mutumbo the better. He should be full time judge. But at least make it seem like they are interested in what just happened. Make them look official. Don't give them the same number posters that you give the fans!! Also, it's okay to not give 10's. These dunks aren't your wife, you don't have to tell them they are a ten all the time. And finally, please stop rigging the contest. When one contestant is allowed to wheel out a car and the others have to take lobs from a player on the team, it gets a little obvious.

Side note: if Dikembe Mutumbo is all time judge he should also be allowed to attempt to block the dunks, because I cannot get enough of this commercial:

The last thing that needs to get better is the announcing. Poor Kevin Harlan was working hard tonight trying to balance Kenny Smith, Charles Barkely, Shaq, Rick Fox, and Nick Cannon. Harlan may want to use tonight's tape to secure him a job as long as he wants one. Just a barrage of terrible one-liners, swears, and laughing at their own jokes. I would rather watch Carlos Mencia have a yo momma competition with Skip Bayless than listen to these jokers crack wise about one another's jive threads. People still talk like that, right? Anyway, someone tell TNT that less is more. Kevin Harlan and one of the following: Shaq, Charles, Kenny, Conan O'Brien, Juwanna Mann, the kid from Like Mike, or Eddie Franklin. Speaking of Eddie Franklin, I love Rick Fox when he's pretending to be a basketball player in a movie, but that is it! Stop trying to let him do things!!

This Eddie trailer would also suffice as a replacement for the huge announcing booth. Enjoy the 90's-ness of this folks.

So, I know this one wasn't as ranty as my earlier material, but lay off it has been a couple of years!! I get rantier. However, in closing, I'd like to offer up a list of things I'd rather watch over the Kotex Sprite Slam Dunk Contest:

• NBA stars playing a video game, preferably one that this sports related, but not basketball. I'm thinking FIFA or NASCAR
• The contestants playing H.O.R.S.E. or S.P.R.I.T.E. or K.O.T.E.X.
• A slam dunk contest, but only of the players' illegitimate children on a Little Tikes hoop
• Space Jam
• YouTube videos of kids dunking on their Nerf hoop hanging on their door

Feel free to borrow any of those NBA/TNT

Also, I couldn't remember my sign off and I had to go look it up.

Tell yo friends about me!!

Summer In Review

Okay, let me start out by saying that I had no idea that it had been over a year since I last blogged. I'm actually a little surprised that Blogspot kept my blog up. Anyway, I guess it's true what they say, "Time flies when you're karate chopping fools left and right."

So, with school starting up again, I feel like this is a perfect time to review the summer in sports. Now if I could remember back to the beginning of summer. Hmmm...

Let's start with the Copa Mundial 2010. Who wasn't super jacked up to stick it to the Brits Lexington and Concord style??? (With the notable exception of one Kirtis R. Woodman) Anyway, the United States' publicity was their own worst enemy. Any soccer person would have told you prior to the World Cup that advancing to the round of 16 was a fair and challenging goal. However, Timmy and Tommy Football player latched on and expected the U.S. to the whole thing with a goal differential of +4,873. I will admit that Landon Donovan, who finally showed up in an international tournament, put U.S. soccer on the map with his goal against Algeria and if you haven't seen this video yet, what the heck were you doing this summer??

All in all, great Cup for the U.S., but I am left to wonder how they will do with expectations going into the next tourney anyone will care about, The Olympics!!!

What else to talk about??? Baseball?? Alright, the year of the pitcher. That's been fun. I do give major props to Armando Galarraga for not tearing Jim Joyce's head off.

Ummm...other than that, not much has really happened. The Cubs won't win a World Series, The Rockies refused to make a move at the trade deadline, Cliff Lee was traded...again, all things we are used to.

Side note: With Roger Clemens being tried for perjury, we are at the precipice of the leader in hits, the leader in homeruns and one of the top 10 winningest pitchers of all time not being in the Hall of Fame. Oh, Bud Selig you've done for baseball what Augusto Pinochet did for Chile. (Look it up, it's a funny reference. Not funny ha-ha, more funny sad)

Basketball, well the less said about Basketball this summer the better. In case you didn't know I decided to take my talents to Roxborough this year. Oh, Bron Bron, you have become such a douche. In fact, with your move to Miami you became the heir to the Massengill fortune. (Another funny joke to look up, this one was stolen from How I Met Your Mother) If you know anyone who is going to root for the Heat punch them in the suckhole twice for me. On to Melo. My Twitter friend, Benjamin Hochman of the Denver Post, made probably my favorite comment of the summer when he referred to Lala Vasquez, Melo's wife, as the Yoko Ono of the Denver Nuggets. Truth be told, other factors have contributed to Melo's indecision, lack of GM ability to do things, being east coast for life, playing with J.R., all great reasons to leave. However, he was not willing to even bring up leaving until ol' Yoko and him tied the knot. So, that should be fun.

Football: I'm always interested in football. I feel like there is a lot of hype around Tim Tebow. I'd like him to be our not third string quarterback, before I think about buying a jersey. Other than that, the Bengals just get more and more dysfunctional with T.O and Pacman Jones. The Jets are overrated but fun to watch on Hard Knocks. Dallas will start out strong and fail at the end, S.D. will do the opposite until the playoffs and then Norv will suck again. Jay Cutler will probably do something dumb, and, big shocker, Brett is back!! Hooray for pre-lockout football!!!

Hockey: Congrats to The Blackhawks...I mean future free agents for every other team in the league. The Blackhawks have made the Florida Marlins seem classy.

Realignment: Realignment had all the makings of a huge summer blockbuster film, until it ended up being directed by M. Night Shyamalan. (Slight tip of the cap to Jon Stewart for that one) We went from the potential of 4 super conferences of 16 teams each with teams moving everywhere to 6 schools switching conferences, three of which were Colorado, Nevada, and Fresno St. or as I like to call them: The Lady in the Water, The Happening, and The Last Airbender. I was kind of hoping for some awesome realignment, but it looks like I'll have to wait a couple of years for the Big 12 (10) members to get sick of being kicked around by Texas again.

Well, that's all the summer I care to discuss. I promise not to make you wait 14 months for my next post. And I'll leave you with one last embedded video:

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Hooray for June!!!

Alright team. It has been about 2 weeks and not much has happened, but we've got some stuff to talk about, mainly my addiction to Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10, but other stuff too.

First things first!!! Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10 is like the heroin of video games. I have spent most of my time that I'm not sleeping or working improving my golfer. Bethpage Black is intense!!! But I digress.

Back to the topic at hand: A few things that have caught my eye: Brandon Marshall, The Colorado Rockies, and the state of U.S. Soccer.

Let's start with soccer. The U.S. Soccer team cannot be fully described right now. Never have I seen a team in any sport, with the exception of last year's Broncos, choke in big games like this. Hell, last night they gave up a two on one breakaway on their own corner kick!! That means all the way down the pitch folks. In the past four matches they've won one, at home, against Honduras, a team they should beat handedly. The U.S. Soccer team has approximately one year to get things figured out before the World Cup in South Africa and I suggest they do that before they get eliminated in the round robin phase of another international tournament.

On to Brandon. As far as I'm concerned Brandon Marshall has gotten himself into something that he has no control over and will ultimately cost him dearly in the end. The Denver Broncos will only trade him for the equivalent of a 1st and a 3rd round pick. However, last time I checked, there are not a lot of teams looking for a player who leads all Wide Receivers in dropped passes, fumbles, and domestic assault arrests. So, Denver wont get a 1st and a 3rd for him. Leading me to believe that if Brandon Marshall does refuse to play Denver will be content to let him sit out an entire season and destroy his free agent value. So, it looks like B.M. is stuck between a rock and hard place that he caused himself. This whole thing makes you enjoy Knowshon Moreno even more. The kid comes in, does work, and lets his agent come to terms on a deal behind closed doors. Must be what you mean when you talk about "Character Guys."

Finally, your Colorado Rockies!!! My beloved Rockies are 3 games out of the wild card all of a sudden. Look, whether or not you like the decisions that D.O'Dowd has made, like me, you must admit that Jim Tracy is a great manager and that these young and upcoming players that we will trade for nothing in the next couple of years are great to watch and make this lull in the sports calendar very exciting. Folks, it's summer, it's nice out, and your team is good, go catch a Rockies game!!

Alright, I'm out. In the meantime tell yo friends about me!!!

June 1

Hey team, Sean here. Talk about your crazy weekends, I'll try and keep this post brief but I am going to touch on all four major sports teams in Denver. So, Let's get going:

Sport #1, The los Nuggets: Great run team. I mean, the Nuggets hadn't been in the new this much since 1993 and hadn't made it this far in playoffs since 1985. However, they unfortunately ran up against some heavy hitters i.e. Kobe, the NBA, yourselves. Let's be honest folks, the last five minutes of NBA Playoff games are more rigged than the WWE, however, you've got to be able to inbound a ball if your a professional basketball player. I am very optimistic for next season though. Keep in mind how far this team has come: This team started the year with J.R. Smith and George Karl not really on speaking terms, Allen Iverson, and Melo out for two games for a suspension due to a D.U.I. conviction...they've come a long way. I honestly think that 60-62 wins is perfectly legit goal for the Nuggs next season. So, stop being said and look forward to next year.

Side note: One of my favorite parts of the weekend was LeBron's little temper tantrum after his team was eliminated from the playoffs. Not shaking hands with your opponent and then making your teammates answer questions after the lost. What you only want to talk when you're winning?? Also, ESPN cracks my shit up today. You've ordained LeBron as "king" and yet all we could talk about today is how he still doesn't have enough help. Sorry pals, kings can do whatever they want when they want, that's why they're kings.

Sport #2, The Rockies:  I remember being distraught after the Rockies were swept in the World Series a year and a half ago and having multiple people tell me, "It's alright, they'll be back," and my only response was, "It's hard enough to make it back to a World Series when you have good upper management." As it turns out, I was right. Poor Clint Hurdle, "Thanks for your 14 years of service to our organization, but things just aren't working out since I blew up the team you lead to the World Series, you know, further than any other manager has ever taken the Rockies."-Dan O'Dowd.  Seriously Dan, maybe we should take a good, long, hard look in the mirror and reevaluate. You have quickly become one of the worst GM's in sports. Congrats, dick!! Good luck Jim Tracy, 2-1 so far.

Sport #3, The Colorado Avalanche: All I have to say is that a team must be in major disarray if they are offering coaching jobs while they still have a coach. I don't think things have ever been this bad for the Avs since moving to Colorado. Enough said.

Sport #4, The Denver Broncos: Ummm...nothing too huge out of Dove Valley. ESPN is trying to make a big deal out of Brandon Marshall, which is interesting...got to do something since LeBron's out of the playoffs. If Goodell suspends him this late after the incident and after draft day, that's a bitch move that really is unfair to Marshall and the Broncos. Other than that, I'm still excited for the season.

Well, I think that's enough blogging for now. Have a good day and tell yo friends about me!!!

Denver Nuggets 101

Alright all you you bandwagon jumpers. As much as I hate you all, and your need to buy the tickets up, and have new merchandise... a la Rockies 2007, I've decided to let you jump on. Also, I've decided to give you some valuable information so you don't look like an idiot once on the bandwagon.

However, I have to discuss some of my favorite sports stories of the weekend:

1. The complete and utter failure of the three Boston sports teams that played this past weekend. I know a man who moved to Boston and was so excited for the big sports weekend. HA!! The Bruins and Celtics lost game sevens and the Red Sox lost two of three at home to the Mariners. This weekend would have only been made better had Bill Bellichick flipped a five year old the bird!! I love it!!

2. Vince McMahon, of WWE fame has officially called out Stan Kronke, owner of the Nuggets, Avalanche, and Rapids for double booking Monday Night Raw and the NBA Western Conference Finals Game 4. Apparently, WWE demands respect. Unfortunately for Vince, they're not going to get any.

On to the Nuggets. The Denver Nuggets were once the Denver Rockets. They then became the Denver Nuggets. All of this happened during the time the Nuggets were in the ABA. (American Basketball Association) In 1976, The Nuggets along with three other teams, the Indiana Pacers, San Antonio Spurs, and New Jersey Nets, joined the NBA. In the mid-70's and mid 80's the Nuggets had very good teams, however they have never won an NBA Championship.

Fast forward to 2009. The Nuggets starting five consists of: Chancey Billups at Point Guard, Dahntay Jones at Shooting Guard, Carmelo Anthony at Small Forward, Kenyon Martin at Power Forward, and Nene at Center. The best bench player is J.R. Smith and two other big players off the bench are Anthony Carter and Chris Andersen. 

Chancey was born in Denver and has turned the Nuggets around this year. Melo is the always underrated All-Star. Kenyon and Nene can destroy. J.R. hits threes and Chris Andersen is known as the "Birdman" due to his ability to fly through the air. 

All this information should be enough to get you through your first Nuggets game ever bandwagon jumpers. 

Also, tell your friends about me!!!

Los Nuggets

Sorry for my tardiness on my post, I've been a little busy. But that's neither her nor there, I suppose. Anyway, on to a certain basketball team that plays in a center that serves Pepsi. That's right, I'm talkin' 'bout YOUR DENVER NUGGETS!!!!

My dear friends, the Nuggets, through two games have surpassed my every hope for them.  They have not been up 2-0 in a playoff series in 24 years. I was approximately two weeks old the last time this happened. I know, I know, I shouldn't get too excited. Hell, this team lost by forty to the Washington Wizards a mere two months ago. However, I can't but help like some of the trends I am seeing.

Most important thing that is happening in this series: the Nuggets are not the team that is frustrated in this series. New Orleans can only gripe to the officials. The Nuggets are in New Orleans' head and it is really starting to wear on them. This is coming from a couple of matchups: Kenyon Martin versus David West and Dahntay Jones versus Chris Paul. David West has been a non-factor due to Kenyon Martin's defense. West had 20 points on 21 shots last night, ridiculous. And, wanna be soccer player, Chris Paul has just looked pissed off. I've never liked ol' CP Trois and this series has just given me more fuel for my fire.  He is always going to get his stats first, that's just the player he is, I'm over that. However, seeing him play in person has really alerted me to how much flopping and flailing he does. Which makes Dahntay's toughness to near dirtiness all that much more entertaining. Chris Paul actually threw two punches that didn't connect on a play in which Chris Andersen was actually called for a technical foul...hilarious!!! All I can hope is that the hilarity continues. 

The only thing I really have to whine about is the way these games are scheduled. I don't really even mind the three days between games, it's the timing of these games. It's bad enough that we had to watch these games in Denver at 8:30 pm, however, our friends in the Big Easy has to watch these games with a 9:30 pm start time. No fan should have to go through that. How hard is it to have the first game of the night at 7 Eastern and the second game at 9:30 Eastern?? It's only an hour and it would make a world of difference. Also, don't get me started that the Saturday game is at 11 am. Nothing like cereal and basketball pregame. Hell, I know people who will still be drunk from the night before then. So, cheers to that.

Big weekend coming up, Game 3, NFL Draft, and my first trip to Coors Field of the year. So, I'm sure you'll hear from me soon. Until then, tell yo friends about me!!!

Happy Easter!!!

Hey Team,

Sorry it has been so long since the last blog, it has been a little crazy 'round here the past couple of weeks. However, I have eaten Easter dinner and am ready to let it settle while talking to you kind folks. That being said, we need to talk about some major nuisances in my sporting life. I know, can you believe that I'm ranting about stuff??

First, and foremost, my beloved Rockies. Remember when people were concerned about their starting pitching? In six starts they have gotten four quality starts, including gems from Ubaldo Jimenez, Franklin Morales, and Jason Marquis. So, early on they are not the problem. Our offense looks great as advertised. However, our relief pitching that we worked so hard to bolster and bring in veterans has be dismal, especially our 8 and 9 guys. Now, if you are an avid reader of my blog you will note that I expressed concern over Huston Street and his lack of ability. Turns out I was half-right. As long as Huston Street doesn't have to pitch at Coors Field he should be alright. Unfortunately for him, the Rockies play 81 games a year there, might be tough to avoid. Mark my words, Coors Field will end Huston Street's career as a closer as it has so many other highly touted closers throughout the years. Nevertheless, you'll still find me at 10+ Rockies games this season supporting my boys, because that's what I do. However, I will not be looking forward to the 9th inning in a game that is within 3 runs.

The bigger nuisance in my life is the annual gathering of the redneck, well off, borderline racist group of good ol' boys we call Augusta National. That's right friends, I'm speaking of the Masters..."A tradition unlike any other." With only two golfers left on the course it appears that either -12 or -13 will be the winning score this year. This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.  I know that Augusta has a tradition of being the easiest course of the four majors, but -13? The only time a double-digit score under par is acceptable is when you're beating the second place player by more than ten shots. (see Tiger Woods' 1997 Masters or 2000 U.S. Open won by 12 and 15 shots respectively) This year, 34 golfers finished in red numbers. I know what you're saying, "but Sean, maybe it's because all the golfers are playing better than they ever have." That may be true, but there is no reason that Dustin Johnson should be under par at a major championship!!! 

Good news: we're going to a playoff because -12 wasn't a good enough score for one person to win a major championship, in fact three people finished with that score.

Don't worry though, I'm a solutions oriented person. I come bearing gifts of solutions. The people in charge of Augusta should watch the upcoming U.S. Open this June at Bethpage Black. Watch how they've set up the course, so that the rough serves some sort of penal purpose. Enjoy the fact that at Bethpage the bunkers are not just for show, they are strategically placed in order to change a player's shot. Basically, give up some of their good ol' boy traditions and actually attempt to have a championship worthy of being called a major.

P.S. Tiger Woods PGA Tour 10 comes out in June and will feature Bethpage Black. That, plus the fact that it looks amazing is enough for me to buy a golf game for the first time ever. Maybe you should consider it too.

Alright, I'm about to bounce but I'm sure I'll be back around Wednesday to discuss the Nuggets playoff chances, the Rockies, and maybe we'll talk about the second post-Granato era of the Avalanche. Until then, tell your friends about me!!!